


I wrote this on 4/13 to celebrate, but I had only just started Homestuck and was a little acquainted with the fandom so this is what my brain spit out you're welcome

by Winchifrost



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Anime, Bodyswap, Crack, Happy 4/13! (Homestuck), Memes, Necromancy, and the dark power within those
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2019-11-08
Packaged: 2021-01-25 15:43:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21358666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winchifrost/pseuds/Winchifrost
Summary: Ok lemme take a crack at summarizing,Rose has been necromancing and thus turned this into a whack bodyswap episode. We follow John as he is faced with the consequences. Dave and Karkat join him at the end (?). Oh, and I was surprisingly on point with guessing who the, or a villain would be in the actual comic before I knew it.I do not intend on finishing this. The creation of this was a once in a blue moon event.
Relationships: Kanaya Maryam/Vriska Serket, sorta? like they makeout briefly?





	1. Chapter 1

“Hey dave, what happened to lil bro?” Mr. eggbert - that was his name now; he had replaced his dead father as the man of the house - said. They were sitting in a nondescript room Rose had built in SBURB. They didn’t have a use for it yet, but Rose had too much grist to not build anything. At the moment, it was just John and Dave, and a distant cry of “Fuck” in Karkat’s voice from somewhere else in the homestuck.

“Oh, Equwus touched him and I tried to blast the rank secretions off using bleach as strong as my dope ass freestyle skills and ended up destroying the puppet in the process.” 

It was impossible to tell if that was an excuse for a grand puppet homicide or just the natural reaction to having Echoes touch something. Suddenly a black cat entered the room. It was Rose’s little monster, or so we thought until it spoke.

“Hey guys! It’s me, Jade XP! Rose was practicing necromancy and swapped Vodka Martini’s and my bodies!”

Classic Rose. She filled the goth requirement of the story, but now she also was filling the necromancer requirement. No wonder Jade was her first victim. The girl would leave her unconscious carcass just lying around anywhere. There were angry stomps to be heard approaching the empty room. Karkat. He stormed in yelling as he does.

“WHO THE FUCK GAVE ROSE ACCESS TO THE DARK ARTS OF NECROMANCY AND ANIME ?”

In the corner, that one clownfucker raised his hand. Had he always been lying there? Mr. Eggbert asked Carpet for clarification.

“FOR YOUR INFORMATION, SHE DREW SOME WITCH BULLSHIT ON THE FLOOR THAT SWAPS EVERYONE’S BODIES AND NOW ERIDAN IS HOT, TEREZI CAN SEE AND IS USING HER EYES TO CRY LIKE AN IDIOT AND VRISKA IS PLAYING HOT POTATO WITH TROLL BODS!”

David turned to Mr. Eggbert and said with a sigh, “Well, who you gonna call?”

Ghostbusters.


	2. Chapter 2

Mr. Eggbert left the empty room in search of a telephone to call the ghostbusters, so they could bust Rose’s satanic ass. However, he failed to realize that all of the earth’s inhabitants, including the ghostbusters, had been killed by the meteor that started the dreadful Homestuck. Nevertheless, he continued his quest. 

He traversed the labyrinthine halls of the jank house, passing by many conveniently open doors. It seemed some trolls we’re having a lot more fun with the body swapping than Catpiss. Through one of them he saw Kanaya and Vriska making out with each other. Hornily, he overheard a few sentences.

“Oh Kanaya I’m so gay and cool that this the gayest coolest thing possible,” said rickshaw.

“I’m glad you also wanted to make out with yourself. No one but myself can quench my problematic needs.”

That was the last thing Mr. Eggbert heard before they slammed their lips into each other with vigour. He had gotten a too good understanding of what was happening anyway. He better leave before they get buckets involved.

Through another conveniently open door, Eggbert-san saw Tavern and Tortuga royally losing their shits. Tango seemed catatonic as he looked around the room. “it’s…. Gorgeous…” he whispered. Meanwhile, Tracer screamed, “1 C4N T4ST3… S0 MUCH…”

Mr. Eggbert’s attention was promptly taken by a green light eminating at the end of the hallway. There was a shadow in front of it. He squinted through his myopic eyes and saw it was… Jade’s weird dog. The dog spoke in a polyphonic voice.

“John…”

Ominous.

“Where is my super suit?”


	3. Chapter 3

Dr. Eggman was frozen in horror. The angry, albeit chill stomping behind him whipped him from his stupor. His comrade, Daniel had arrived. 

“John! What the fuck! Is going on in this funky house of horny hell?!” He yelled. Dave never yelled. Clearly, this was cankle. 

“I- i- don't know,” Egg quivered, “I was trying to find a telephone but then I saw kanaya and virgin freaking and taurus and terebi freaking out and then bechamel sauce appeared and his voice is yikes.”

“COOL” Carrot shouted cooly from like a meter further down the hall. He took a step to be in a more reasonable conversation bubble.

“alright fuckwads! What do we do about this?!” Dingus shouted. Man, he was being so OOC.

“OBVIOUSLY BECHTOPLASM IS A HIVEMIND,” Cartoon shouted matter of factly.

“How do you know?” Mr. Eggbert asked dubiously. As doobious as weed.

“IM DAVE, I JUST DO,” he replied. 

“No, you're karkat.”

“John.”

At that moment, Mr. Eggbert realized he was a goon and a gecken for not keeping track of the story he was the main character of. This is why he is now demoted to dunce of the house, and will be known as John, as that was his previous dunce title.

“Ok, so if Beach Umbrella is a hivemind, what do we do about it?!” Dave asked, emphatically.

K-pop stared dramatically at the ceiling, as a sparkle or tear(?) spilled from his left eye. “WE DO WHAT WE WERE ALWAYS DESTINED TO DO.” After a solid five seconds of melodrama, he faced the other gremlins again and asked, “HOW MUCH DO YOU KNOW ABOUT NECROMANCY?”

“A lot less than Rose. Can't we ask her?” The dunce, John complained like he always did, because he's a dunce.

Candle was about to reply when the bright light blinded him. He cried, “WHY AM I NOT TEREZI NOW?!” And swooned to the floor. 

Oh no, time was running out.

Tik tok.


End file.
